Speechless
by AK-103
Summary: Because sometimes, there's more to thoughts than words. Warning: There are jokes inside.


I hate pointless talks, and I think that most people can agree with me on that.

I hate it because it's a waste of time, energy and effort combined. Do you know how much time people waste on talking? Depending on the topic, it may be over than a minute or two and do you know what I can do in one or two minutes? I can gaze upon the lovely and adorable Totsuka-tan sitting a few desks away from me!

Fortunately enough, not many people approach and engage in normal talks with me to begin with, so I am **always** making use of those one or two minutes of my life wisely.

Ah... Totsuka-tan, my lovely angel Totsuka-tan...

"Hikki! Moou... You're all spacey and quiet and whatnot, have you been ignoring me? "

Ah yes, how could I forget about her? Yuigahama Yui, my fellow classmate and this class's resident Totsuka-block. She is to me what Snape is to Harry... except she's a bajillion times nicer... prettier... better smelling... nicer to look at... she speaks clearer too and lacks a distinctive accent that makes her comparable to an emo goth creep and... many more!

And unlike Sevy, she's a social normie.

Yes, yes, the atrocity. How could I, someone who has taken the term social dysfunctional to a whole new level, be associated with someone like Yuigahama Yui... You might ask?

Well, it all began one fateful evening, when the television used to air good actual content rather than the things that they force-fed us to watch these days - now that I think about it, it's like a month ago - and Komachi was just as cute as ever.

After being metaphorically, but kind of literally, roped into joining a club governed by one of the world's most troublesome and hardassed woman to ever exist, I was tasked with helping her bake cookies in the Home Economics room.

During that day, I never thought that I'd meet someone who could somehow, someway screw up the simple and literal cookie cutter recipe of store bought cookie mix. It was ridiculous! She had help from the Devil Superwoman herself, how could she still screw it up?

The amount of dough she wasted could rival the amount of plastic matter that Kim Kardashian have injected monthly into her world class... ass!

...still didn't stop me from trying to look cool and taking those burnt cookies with me though.

"I can't believe it, you're doing it again!"

"Do what? "

"Ignoring me!"

Ignori-what is she going on about now?

"Yui, I'm not ignoring you. I'm just not replying to you. "

"That's basically ignoring me, Hikki! You're always ignoring me. Tsun!"

Pshh. "Oh, really? I couldn't have done it that much. Five-"

"Sixty four times."

"..that is more than five... but regardless, just because I'm not replying doesn't mean that I'm ignoring you, Yui."

"Oh really?"

You drop that sass when you're talking to me, young lady. And don't cross your arms like that!

"Then tell me, what was I talking about before, hmm?"

...fuck, she's good.

What are we, a married couple on an American sitcom show? But that still doesn't change the fact that I have to answer her, otherwise I'll have to deal with a very pouty Yui, which is not as annoying as upset and crying Yui, but still more annoying than regular Yui.

My Lovely Angel Totsuka-tan please preserve me... let me pass this trial that has been carelessly and spitefully dropped upon my weak and frail loner shoulders by the heretic Normie Gods...

I'm not religious, but the closest I've come to is David Bowie.

Looking at the woman herself, she was staring at me with the intensity of forty thousand Chihuahua puppies ready to be fed their daily treat by their owner. So be it. If this woman wants it, then she shall receive it.

Come hell or high-water, here I go!

"Yooooou were talking... aboout the preeetty pink... puppy plushy that yoooou... bought the other day for Yukinoshita...?"

Crossmyfingers crossmyfingers crossmyfingers crossmyfingers crossmyfingers.

"H...ki."

Well, it's official guys, I'm gonna die from a pout induced torture. Tell Komachi I love her and that I was the one who ate all the Pringles in our house, tell Kamakura to CLEAN HIS OWN KITTY LITTER FOR ONCE and please, to all the cultural men out there, press F to pay your respects.

"H...ki... Y...u..."

Rip in pepperonis, Hachiman. Your life had been sweet as Maxx Coffee.

"Hikki..."

Here it comes... lay it on me you pink haired bimbo!

"You actually listened!"

GAAAAAAAH SHE HIT M-wuh?

I did?

"Yukinon was kinda upset when I got her the plushy because, y'know, she like cats more than dogs! But, but, Yukinon still accepted it anyway! Isn't she nice? "

"Yes. Certainly. Yui."

"Right!? And... why are you talking like that?"

"What. Do. You. Mean? I. Always. Talk. Like. This."

"Uwaaah..." She is looking at me like someone who has just witnessed an abortion right in front of her very eyes. In Yui's case, I'm not the baby... fetus being aborted...

...but the very act of abortion itself.

"I-"

"You're so gross, Hikki."

Looks like she figured out that it was only a lucky guess from my part. But did she had to say I'm gross?!

 **xXx**

 **A/N: A short story, more like a skit really, done after testing out the FF app on the phone.** **Don't know if I'll upload more of these, tbh.** **Fun fact: story length excluding authors note is exactly 888 words. Maybe that's a sign?**


End file.
